Forty

Forty
 
Forty weeks in your mother’s womb
Is the beginning of the process of life.
But it isn’t until after forty,
Until after forty years in society’s womb
That you truly begin to live.
I’m reaching for Forty with hope.
When you’re an infant
There are so many forces acting
Upon you.
It’s hard to define who you are
Or who you want to be.
You are told.
Then you are in your teens,
And you begin to figure
Some things out.
But you are still training,
You are still becoming,
You are still finding out.
Your 20s are for schooling
and starting the work,
the force of work,
the fear of work,
the faith in work
the future in work.
Your 30s are for working
And mating and wondering
And questioning.
What about that thing or two
You didn’t do in your 20s?
What about now you’re a parent
Makes you realize your parents
Were just not living yet when they had you?
Yes, we often give birth to another
Before beginning to live.
Forty just hits different, I’m hoping.
What about the mistakes you made
And the ones you didn’t?
What about the late nights and the early mornings?
What about the time squandered and squared?
What about the places you want to go back to
And the ones that still remain?
What about is all about the 30s.
I’m 33 right now, on my way to 34.
But what about Forty?
I know Forty will be magical.
It’s not a flip or switch or zipper or button.
But Forty,
I just feel it,
Forty is for living,
From the beginning,
All over again,
Knowing what
Others can do to you
And knowing what you can do to others,
And living,
And living who you really want to be
Because there is a before Forty and an after Forty,
Just like a before and after Christ.
Yes, numbers can be arbitrary,
Yes, deviations are real.
Yes, Forty is just another year.
But for me, I know,
What Forty will be.
What will it be for you?
What was it for you?
Did you hit Forty yet?
Forty is not 40.
You know what I mean?